Making assumptions

So, God help me, I made an assumption yesterday! 

It was relatively minor, but none-the-less my skewed perception of things was enough to kill any passion that night...and got me a lecture of sorts about putting two and two together and getting 55. 

I don’t know if it is just because we live so remotely and have minimal human contact, but my partner and I do seem to have a very intense relationship; we both want to be the boss, and well, as everyone knows – there is only space for one at the top... 

My partner is traditional, ‘old school’; the man wears the pants and the Mrs (yeah me and Madonna have had to bear this title...) does what she is told... meanwhile I am an independent career woman, who only had one child for very valid reasons. I prefer to have a cleaning lady rather than change my disheveled interior decorating expertise and I most certainly have never been subservient. 

So this is all gets quite interesting when I start dissecting the series of incidents and thought processes that led to my assumption-making faux pas. As I started exploring the ins and outs of assumption-making I came across a very wise chap, thanks to the internet, by the name of Don Miguel Ruiz – and I must say that I found great comfort in the fact that it seems pretty much everybody is guilty of these fantastical imaginings. Ruiz say’s and I quote “Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Ruiz puts forward that one of the reasons we make assumptions is because we are fearful of asking questions. 

I like his philosophy, and it further got me thinking about what has possibly happened to me here in the country. Have I become an apprehensive shadow of my former self? Could I now list acquiescence as one of my foremost personality traits? Or was this merely a justifiable case of the speed-wobbles as I attempt to morph into someone’s Mrs...?

More words from Ruiz – “If you don’t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption.  The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison.  Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.”

Eeeeew - emotional poison. Sounds toxic, but does kind of ring true eh? I do find myself squirming uncomfortably (as I am sure many of you are too) while I expose this blatant flaw in my character. To think that what goes through my mind and eventually comes out of my mouth has its origins in 40-something years of emotional poison is enough to send me fleeing to the comfort and warmth of my bed to pull the covers over my head in order to really think things through.  

My mind commenced a frantic whirling sequence as I realised that this assumption-making characteristic is also intertwined with the Rose-coloured glasses trend, the Vulcan tendencies of the step-parent, and the necessity for me to ‘take it up the arse.’ Confronting ones propensity to assumption-making means being conscious every second of every day to the fact that other people just don’t see the world as we do. Ruiz’ advice to ask questions when we are unsure suddenly sounded like a wearisome and limitless commission. My stepson asks why, why, why a million times daily, and it sure as hell wasn’t helping us ‘avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.’

Indeed this an interesting topic, and one I do need to gain some clarity about if I am to get a cuddle tonight. I think I shall make like a Carmelite for now – quietly contemplate my emotional poison and keep my gob shut!

Oh and cling to this pearl of wisdom...’the only correct assumption, is that your initial assumption may be incorrect’.  Love it!