More on Discipline

Call me a goody-two-shoes but I really just can’t stand lying. People who lie practically grow horns and start breathing fire as far as I am concerned. It has to be one of the most unattractive traits in the human repertoire of behaviors, and is maddening and destructive to all who encounter it. Well, what it really does is cause me to feel unsteady and to question my reality. How the hell can I get a firm footing in life when I am surrounded by quicksand?

So this leads me to another of my ongoing dilemmas. My stepson lies. Pretty much every day. He opens his mouth and churns out all manner of fiction with no regard what-so-ever about the legitimacy of his words. This can be to my partner and me, to his grandparents on the phone, the teachers at school, to his cobbers, to his cobbers parents – the time he told one of them that my partner beat me up was a particularly enjoyable moment in my life as a stepparent!

He and I had an episode yesterday where he was refusing to eat some crackers I had given him for lunch. Crackers that last week he devoured half a pack of because they were so delicious. Yesterday however, the crackers were going to make him spew. He writhed and winced about on the couch, carrying on like a doomed worm in a large bird’s beak, and to honest, I bloody well felt like feeding him to some giant kid-eating monster...there were none on hand though, so I removed myself from the situation, left him there grappling with the evil cracker, and disappeared into the bathroom to cleanse and moisturise away my rage.

After a few minutes I heard him scuttle to the kitchen, open the cupboard door and pull out the rubbish drawer. I heard him rustling in the bin, plunging the evidence to the middle of the potato peels, apple cores and discarded toilet paper rolls. I heard his satisfied, smug chatter as he congratulated himself and his imaginary accomplices on their successful mission. There isn’t enough moisturiser on earth to diminish the furrows in my brow as I fumed and huffed and puffed and wondered how to manage this situation.

I have to be honest. It didn’t go well. As I’ve explained – me and liars - we just can’t co-exist...

I asked if he had eaten his crackers.

Yes.

I asked again.

Yes.

I asked again.

Yes.

I rummaged in the rubbish – eeeewwww - bugger that!

Did you throw out the crackers?

No.

DID YOU THROW OUT THE CRACKERS?

NO.

Are you lying to me?

No.

ARE YOU LYING TO ME?

Now there is a recognisable contortion that appears on the face of a liar as they are about to be exposed. It is both pitiable and offensive. It is almost as though a layer of skin is about to slide off their mug and their eyes are melting. It is like watching a wraith attempt to disappear from sight. It is as though the liar wishes to conjure up a veil behind which they can hide. Whatever thoughts are taking place in a liar’s mind at this time, it certainly doesn’t seem like a happy place.

y...e...s

Although I knew this response was coming, I was so far up the ladder of frustration and rage by this time that, rather than thank him for telling the truth, I blasted him for lying. I knew this reaction was not very constructive; however I have this ethical dilemma when it comes to praising some little shit for finally, FINALLY, fessing up with the truth, when really, being honest is what he should have been doing right from the beginning.

So, as I do, I have looked up the reasons for kids lying according to the experts. It’s not pretty. There are lots of significant and troubling reasons for dishonesty. I really do have some hard work ahead of me over the next few months if I am to get those boarding school fees saved up before the school term starts next year!!!